Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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