my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
