sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Randomize
