She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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