I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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