wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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