The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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