Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
