Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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