Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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