you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize