I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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