all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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