his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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