and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
