What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
