i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
it's like iHOP with fire
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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