I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
only you would photoshop your dick
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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