careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
