and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
