I got chris browned last night
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
