Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
