I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
