A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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