Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
