you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
