Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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