so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
