I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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