I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
