I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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