That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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