I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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