I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
