You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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