Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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