If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
