Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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