Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
