If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
