I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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