If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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