She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
