I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
