yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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