i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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