im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
