sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
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