im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
