my sisters under your porch take her home
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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