I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
