I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
